Well, I have just been shown this:

Jessica Simpson and David Bisbal singing Angels live. Yes, that is right, Jessica Simpson singing live.

You have to hope it is live, because if that is a backing track playing for her, then just imagine how she would sound live…

Listen and weep…really weep… I want you to have the same nightmares that I will have tonight…

It seems so many artists think they can do justice and homage to this piece of masterful music.

Of the three below, I just can’t decide which one is worse…

First up is Paul Young…

watch?v=nCE_eA0vmY8

Then here is a live performance from Arcade Fire and U2…

Then we have Nouvelle Vague’s take on it…my personal favourite for worst version

Now this is all subjective, but I think this version by Jose Gonzalez is very decent…

And citizen watt likes this version by Susanna and The Magical Orchestra from their excellent Melody Mountain album which also includes covers of Crazy, Crazy Nights by Kiss, and AC/DC’s “It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock and Roll) in the same style…

Scissor Sisters doing Comfortably Numb by Radiohead. The title truly describes the emotional state I was in whilst listening to this version…

Mind you, the point of the Scissor Sisters is a whole other debate…

Thanks to Tim Fraser-Harding for putting me on to this gem….

Based on my criteria posted on Number 3, I have no problem at all nominating this horror for the Hall of Infamy.

Cat Stevens wrote a lovely little song about the relationship between Father and Song, sung from both points of view. Clever structure, heartfelt lyrics, tender and sad all in one.

Then along came this monstrosity. Boyzone had a way with covers. No doubt they will feature more in this little chart of ours, but their version of Father & Son as much torture as I can bear:

Mind you, to lighten the mood, I found this by two young kids. I really think they lip-sync better than Boyzone…Fantastic…

Here are some so far that artists sub-consciously must check through

1 Use the song to just make yourself lots of money
2 Sing/Play the song without giving yourself to the lyrics or the music.
3 Can’t be bothered with stamping your own personality over the song.
4 Try to sound like the original so you can make a heap of money on sync deals, so doing the original artist out of some money
5 Use a great song to cover up your own lack of talent
6 Misplaced loyalty to a fellow musician and idol
7 Always listen to your guru/producer/A&R person

However, some people judge a cover not by such criteria but more by being appalled that certain artists even go near a song of their idols.

Here is a case in point. Many seem to be not happy with this cover by Dolly Parton of Stairway to Heaven.

Now I am no big fan of Dolly Parton (really I am not), but cannot see how the criteria above fits with this version. It is either just plain awful or really rather good? (And here I realy start to worry about myself…)

Now I am no big fan of early Rock n Roll. Not a huge fan of Elvis or Buddy Holly or Little Richard. However, I appreciate the debt many artists owe to them.

However, what gets me is how on earth Bill Haley and The Comets got away with it. The acceptable face of clean cut Rock n Roll in the 50s U.S. (i.e. white country boys)?

Maybe, but their version of Shake Rattle and Roll has to be entry number two in the Chart of Worst Covers Ever…

Here is their version…all nicely cleaned up (I hear Walmart again!)

And here is Big Joe Turner doing it properly…

The issue of WalMart’s stringent music policy is not a small one, but I will deal with that elsewhere.

Let’s not get all worked up on this one though. AC/DC have never to my belief taken any big moral stand against the corporate establishment. They have sold millions of albums and made themselves and the label rich. To my knowledge, they have not flown to Darfur or spoken out against gun running. I don’t think they are anti-fur. They just want to play rock n roll.

Their lyrics are not a rallying call for revolution either. I am no AC/DC specialist, but a quick read of their lyrics includes one about getting beaten up by the girlfriend, one tying the girlfriend to the railway tracks, one about their girlfriend overdosing. They might say that their songs focuses on the personal relationships between man and woman and ‘good ol Rock n Roll’. Some people might find some of the lyrics offensive or uncomfortable, others just wanna rock and sing along without reading much into the lyrics. Mind you, Walmart might approve of their commitment to monogamy (Girl’s Got Rhythm).

Those fans up in arms about ACDC ’selling out’ is an interesting position for them to take. It seems the fans are ok to sing along with the band to href=”http://members.tripod.com/acdcwillie/highway.htm”>’Go Down‘ and ‘Night Prowler’ but not ok to let AC/DC secure their pension? 

Some bands start as revolutionaries then move to the right. Others flip-flop from one issue to another. Others just play music and keep their views to themselves. Not every artist is a revolutionary, not every artist has a high moral code on everything they do.

Now that artists are looking for new ways to distribute and market their music directly, there is no label to hide behind. They have to show their colours. Their fans will find out where they stand - and if it important to the fans, then they will react, and act, accordingly.

Artists now have to be clear where they draw the line. Radiohead and ACDC draw their own lines. One artist we know turned down a seven figure deal wit a brand, because the holding company is involved in arms trading. That artist draws the line very clearly. It is the artist’s choice. Yet the smart artists are also highly aware of the impact on their fanbase of any decision they take. Whether it is taking music to a new direction (Electric Bob Dylan, Christian Bob Dylan, ‘Before and After Martin Hamnett’ Joy Division) or signing up with WalMart, the artist takes the risk of losing fans. They also take the risk of gaining new ones.

AC/DC have made their choice. Maybe is is only about the money. If their fanbase collapses in the U.S. then they know the risk was too high. Somehow, I get the impression they have done their homework on this one.

However, Bob Lefsetz doesn’t seem to think so. He certainly is not happy. First, he mentions that 3 million copies of the Eagles album were shifted through Wal-Mart with no-one noticing. Three million people bought it, I think someone noticed. He suggests that these purchases were an impulse buy. Proof that it was purely down to impulse? None. I agree that supermarket shoppers make decisions on impulse at times. Supermarkets are experts at getting people to buy stuff they don’t need. Yet, shoppers in supermarkets make decisions for different reasons - their mood, time pressure, impulse, product positioning in aisles, shelf position and state of mind all affect the decision. However, to assume that all 3 million units were down to impulse purchasers is breathtaking in it’s naivety. The Eagles were never a ground-breaking act. They took what was a vibrant west coast sound in the 70s and packaged it up for the mass market. So it could make perfect sense from a consumer targeting perspective for The Eagles. A proportion of shoppers at Wal-Mart could be either those who bought Hotel California first time round or remember their parents singing along to it, or it could have been a gift purchase…or they might have liked the pretty picture on the cover.

On the one hand he seems to throw all Wal-Mart shoppers into the same trolley, then he champions the cause of the young fan who cannot get to the Wal-Mart store or cannot download it. On the first point, won’t the young fan just ask their mum/dad to buy it for them when she/her shops?

He is also stunned that AC/DC do not understand that the world is not about the album CD any more, and that it is about customer sampling digitally. He clearly is a fan of theirs and thinks they are making a big mistake. I agree wholeheartedly with him that musicians have to have a digital platform allow people to sample the music. Just one thing though, digital is global, and WalMart distribution deal is only for the U.S. Unless I am very much mistaken and unless a Chinese government style clampdown by Wal-Mart is underway, won’t the American kids will be able to find it online legally?

Maybe the hardcore AC/DC fans who have problems with this deal, but they could look at it this way: Imagine some soccer mom buying a WalMart AC/DC CD, then later getting into ‘Let There Be Rock’ as she heads off to pick up her 2.2 kids. Wouldn’t that be undermining the very fabric of society in one step?

Couldn’t that be AC/DC’s legacy to the RocknRoll revolution? 

I leave you all with something to cheer you up…Celine Dion and Anastacia doing a cover of AC/DCs All Night Long…

Some might find this joyful, some painful to watch…

Just wait for the moment when Celine says to Anastasia “Come on Girlfriend, shook me…”

Well how about you get your consumers to reinvent it! McDonalds ran a competition in the US to soundtrack their new ad, and the winner was Jason Harper, a singer from Palm Beach, who apparently received nearly half of the 12,279 votes cast at myspace.com/BigMacChant, where folks voted online in celebration of the Big Mac’s 40th birthday. Here’s the original advert…

…and here’s Jason Harper’s winning entry

So what are these major artists jumping ship? With so much turmoil in the record industry at the moment, it’s hardly a surprise that some artists are keen to look at any opportunity that might offer them long term financial security. And with record sales continuing to shrink it seems that the major labels are at best unwilling, and at worst financially powerless to compete, even though all of them are turning themselves into 360 degree companies.

However, at a time when the artists are probably in a more powerful position than ever, it seems odd that some of them are prepared to sign away ALL their rights to one company. Artists have long complained that record company contracts were too restrictive, with rights ownership often being the biggest big bone of contention. So what’s changed? Or is the Live Nation signing-on fee just too big to ignore?

It seems then that music and football have more things in common than we’d ever thought! The value of the top players/artists is going through the roof, contracts seem to be there to be broken, and nobody seems to know who’s job it will be to develop the stars of the future?

And to cap it all Christiano Ronaldo and Prince both think they are slaves! It’s good to know that it’s not just art and commerce that can occasionally make uneasy bedfellows!

So who will sign to Live Nation next? We reckon the odds could look something like this:

Robbie Williams 2-1 odds on favourite
Mariah Carey 7-2
Coldplay 9-1
Oasis 14-1
U2 35-2
Status Quo 49-1
Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Sun Ra and Jimi Hendrix are all 1,000,000-1 outsiders!

For more information about the nights and the DJ’s click

LUMIN, NILE-ON & MADAME
PRESENTS
‘Summer In The Cities’ @ PLASTIC PEOPLE
Dark basement? Check. A swung cat would brush its ears on all four walls? Check. A sound system that has had songs written about it? Check.

As we gear up for a long hot summer liberated from Euro 08, ‘Summer In The Cities’ brings you all that is good about London Town’s musical diversity through the month of JULY.

Summer In The Cities offers you a unique opportunity to sample an amazing line-up of talent touching down in London all under one roof.

*DETAILS: * PLASTIC PEOPLE * CURTAIN ROAD EC2 * DOOR ENTRY £8.00 * TIMINGS 9PM TILL 3AM *

4th JULY - Trevor Jackson Dj | Kieran Hebden DJ (Four Tet)

TREVOR JACKSON
Trevor Jackson is a London based creative artist. Using the UNDERDOG name, he became successful mixing artists such as MASSIVE ATTACK, U2 and UNKLE, and also producing multicultural British rap act the BROTHERHOOD, whose highly commended debut album ELEMENTALZ was released by VIRGIN RECORDS in 1995. In 1996 Trevor formed a new label OUTPUT RECORDINGS, recognized as one of the UK’s most fiercely independent and creatively groundbreaking labels, releasing uncompromising yet accessible new music of many genres - introducing international artists such as THE RAPTURE and LCD SOUNDSYSTEM.

KIERAN HEBDEN (FOUR TET)
Kieran is a post-rock and electronic musician. He first came to prominence as a member of the band FRIDGE before establishing himself as a solo artist under the moniker of Four Tet. Hebden’s music typically eschews the traditional pop song format in favor of a more abstract approach—his sound and melodies incorporate elements of hip hop, electronica, techno, jazz, and folk music with live instrumentation. His work as Four Tet shares some stylistic similarities with other musicians, such as Prefuse 73, who use computer editing techniques that give the music a staccato, cut-up feel.

11th JULY - Tetine (live) |Macacos do Chines (live)

TETINE
Formed in 1995 in São Paulo, Brazil by artists Eliete Mejorado and Bruno Verner & infused with a contemporary Brazilian radicalism that pushes the boundaries of a hybrid vocabulary, Tetine have created a multitude of music & performance works from the spoken word to electronica, including ritualistic performances, films and video.

MACACOS DO CHINÊS
Signed to the same label as Buraka Som Sistema, Macacos do Chinês is something in the middle of grime, portuguese popular music, dancehall with a bit of Liam Howlett. To listen to “Macacos do Chinês” (Chinese monkeys or the portuguese name to the popular children’s game - Grandmother’s footsteps) is to re-live african, arab, brazilian, japanese influences and all other cultures where Portugal has touched and left their mark. A language of urban music with origins in grime and touches of london dubstep were the inspiration of the first single “deja-vu” came from.

*** 18th JULY - Andrea Parker Dj |Mira Calix Dj ***

ANDREA PARKER
She’d been working on music as a vocalist and producer since an early age. First signed album deal was with Mo Wax records. Her first single for the label was “Melodius Thunk” - which was an electro workout popular with both UK and US DJs. ” The Rocking Chair”, the second single, was an emotional ballad featuring string arrangements by Wil Malone, probably most well known for his work on Massive Attack’s classic “Unfinished Sympathy. Her popularity as a dj was confirmed by the high sales of her mix for K7’s celebrated Dj Kicks series. The album showcases the variety of her musical loves; she wasn’t afraid to fuse hip hop pioneers like Man Parish with electronic pusher’s Gescom, the mix reflecting her taste for a hip hop, electro, techno and many classics.

Andrea Parker is more than an electronic musician and DJ, she’s all the bits in-between. She makes amazingly beautiful, haunting, yet always warm, electro music - making it almost impossible for those of us who’ve had the pleasure of experiencing it, ever want to leave.

MIRA CALIX DJ
Mira Calix, real name Chantal Passamonte, is an artist signed to Warp Records, specialising in mixing her intimate vocals with jittering beats and experimental electronic textures. As a live performer and DJ, she has supported and toured with a broad range of acts, including Radiohead, Plaid, Godspeed You! Black Emperor and Aphex Twin.

*** 25th JULY - Normski Dj | Ed DMX Dj ***

NORMSKI
Normski has had a prolific career in the field of Music, Television, Photography, Action, Fashion and style.
Combining his talents for vision and music, he has worked for record industry companies including VIRGIN, SOUL II SOUL, Profile Records New York, SONY, EMI, CHRYSLIS and REACT to name a few.

Ed DMX
The first DMX Krew release was 1995’s “Got You On My Mind” on Dutch label DAP, and this was followed in 1996 by “Sound Of The Street” on Aphex Twin’s label Rephlex. This record hinted at what was to come with its mix of instrumental electro, synthpop and techno made on vintage equipment. Lots more releases followed, mainly through Rephlex but also on diverse labels including International Deejay Gigolos, Ersatz Audio, Sonic Groove and several others. DMX Krew remixes have also appeared of various artists including Gentle People, Biochip C, Denki Groove, Le Car and many others. In 2000 as EDMX, Ed became one of the first non-Detroit artists to make and release Ghetto-style electro tunes on the successful MPC Trax series of 12″s and the sell-out mix CD Bass mix.